Hummingbird - Atlantic Crossing 3/4 Oscars Awards awards ceremony

… blah blah blah … Ms. E Maude to present the first award this evening … clap clap clap …

Live Coverage from the deck of SY Hummingbird
(Transcript – Ms. E Maude @ 17.35, 26/11/17)
Anyone who can take a ragtaggle bunch of amateur cast members from six different countries (who have delusions of being long-distance sailors to far flung lands) and lead them through a variety of scenes – some requiring more acting ability than others to diffuse any potential emotional or diva-like behaviour across a vast ocean of backdrops – some more picturesque or harrowing than others, is surely worthy of an international accolade.

This person is highly regarded in their genre of sailing and regardless of the number of re-takes (or should I say, re-hoists) necessary, still remains calmly in control. She has been known to utter the phrase “it’s a wrap”, usually in the wee hours of the morning – but in Hummingbird Studios, this appears to mean something different to the usual use of the phrase. Ass the show keeps floating serenely along and with each new cut (or day) the cast becomes slicker and more cohesive. Our film captain has rallied her crew, turned their attention to the bigger prize and kept morale at an all-time high.

I’m sure I speak for everyone here when I say: Thank you for giving us all this amazing opportunity of a lifetime – to participate in the motion picture “The Atlantic Crossing”. You’re an exceptional sailor and brilliant leader and therefore it is my very great honour to present you Rachael, with this Maude’s Creations Hummingbird ARC 2017 banner as an award for best motion picture “The Atlantic Crossing”.

(At this point, the crowd goes bananas. Thunderous, wild applause ensues, apparently audible on the beaches of NE Brazil, prompting the beach folk to quickly tighten their bikini tops and head inland toward higher ground. Admiral Miranda ma’am, if you’re reading this, you’re the first person Rachael thanked in her acceptance speech. You can interrogate her about the panty party when she gets back to the UK.)

A full list of awards presented follows:

• Michelle - Helmswoman of Hummingbird
• Tony - Most Prolific Blasphemer; and Most Witty One-Liners at All Hours of the Day
• Holly – Best Fixer; Best Sky Dancer; and Best Bunk Climber
• Jen – Perpetual Award for Dedication to the Celestial Sphere
• Cui – Oscarette in Recognition of Exemplary Cooking and Photography Skills
• John – Best Original Beverage Concocted out of Nothing; Best Supporting Comedy Actor (because Chris is better); Best Producer (for tracking R3 and ARC trip opportunity); and Best Good Mate to Fraser
• Nicky – Edward Scissorhands Award for Admission onto the Council of Wrappers and Rippers; and St. Lucia Navigator Award
• Erika – Silver Spoon award for Galleyship Coaching extended to two particular members from the far reaches of the Commonwealth and Promotion of British Values and Cuisine Abroad
• Fraser – Award for Best Lines (both on his forehead and out of his mouth); Best Attention to Wound Cares (his own); and Cleanest and Most Frequently Laundered Underpants
• Chris – Charlie’s Angels Award for Most Popular Man on the Water; Grant Hackett Award for Elegance; Time Critical Rolex Award for Punctuality; Disappearing Award for Ability to Avoid Foredeck Duties; Parkinson Award for Raconteur and Bulls***
• Gina – Best Supporting Comedy Actress on The Good Ship Hummingbird; Best Adaptation of the Comedy “Crossing the Atlantic”; and Best Silent Music Choreographed Dance “Galley Boogie”.

From Gina et Al, three quarters of the way across the Atlantic