A lot more not a lot over the night watches. 7.5 knots average in rolling seas; not too conducive with sleep, but steady progress. Just boring, mundane sailing – hoorah!!
Entertainment was provided by Norris who refrained from departing despite encouragement from some crew members. Jamie, our vegetarian medic and general lover of all things organic, continued to care for the glorified white budgie, providing a wee box for him to rest and feeding him water and our precious sardines and tuna. Norris has made a few attempts to enter the cabin in search of adventure, but is generally kept away by Alan or I acting as ‘gull-keepers’. We feel he needs to move on with his life, but is acting like a post university child, returning back every time you think he’s flown the home! Hopefully, he’ll take flight when in sight or smell of land.
24 hour progress – 175 nm – cumulative 2722 nm
More of the same in the afternoon. Antoine was happy sailing west towards our destination. Norris was making the occasional excursion off vessel, but always returning shortly thereafter. He had developed more cunning in finding open hatches to get into the galley. This required Colin to perform his gibbon impersonation in an attempt to sweep the intruder back on deck. Thankfully, Jamie was there to lightly pick Norris up and deliver him back to his post at the stern.
So, with vessel set, Norris cornered and weather fairer, what was there to do? Our journey had been eventful enough to stave off any boredom, but the reading, chatting, sea gazing, Blackadder watching and other such activities had been exhausted. It was time for some fruitless nonsense to accompany this blog.
It has occurred to me that there may be some folk who are not familiar with all the sailing terms used in the blog. It’s probably something that should have been done at the start, but the inclusion of a glossary now seems appropriate. However, after nearly 20 days at sea, the mind begins to wander and for those who know me (and those who don’t, but have probably realised) will vouch that my brain works in a somewhat childish and twisted manner. Hence, I give you…The Naughty-Cool Glossary. It’s probably appropriate to put in a disclaimer at this point. For those of you who take offence at anything, you are advised not to read on. For those of you who read on and still take offence, I suggest you unread the bit you’ve read and move on to the next term. If you still take offence, I’m really sorry and I suggest therapy, outlandish rage or grow a sense of humour.
Anyway, probably best to apologise in advance for inflaming your senses, as a minimum, and just carry on ignorantly. For full affect you may need to cross-reference some of the terminology. I give you…
The Naughty-Cool Glossary
Anchor - a weight to hold you down (e.g. wife, husband, partner, bank manager)
Autopilot - computer controlled device that determines where you go (e.g. Antoine or HAL in 2001 Space Odyssey)
Baton - stiff rod
Baton box - somewhere to put your baton
Bearing - the consequence of doing what you’re doing
Bilge - a load of sheet
Bimini - swimsuit for a small car
Boom - noise your head makes as you hit it again when entering the yacht
Bow - nod respectfully to someone in front of you
Bowline - a queue of people nodding
Cabin - somewhere to be thrown against walls and get no sleep
Canopy - posh little snacks to accompany grog
Cleat - a snack for Clive
Clevis - a clever device
Cockpit - PC Police interjection - use your imagination
Code Zero - a secret mission that no-one understands, that normally ends in disaster
Compass - something to prove you are lost
Crew - workers whose responsibility is to say “aye-aye Skipper” and work on their sun tan
Cunningham - nobody knows what this is
Deck - somewhere to inspect in order to get away from the rest of the crew
Downhaul - vomit overboard
Fender - Sam
Furling - a small furry animal
Galley - somewhere to take perfectly good ingredients and turn them into something inedible
Genoa - a place in Italy where they make sails
Goose Neck - something shaped like a bent giraffe’s body part from shoulder to head
Grog - something likely to result in rudder failure
Gybe - turn ahead of wind to avoid any recrimination
Gybe (crash) - very fast gybe after a particularly smelly release
Halyard - somewhere to get the Autopilot fixed
Hatch - a sneaky way for Norris to get into the galley
Head - a place to recycle and lose weight
Heading - where you are going with no relationship to where you want to go
Helm - German Autopilot
Hull - a place you find yourself where you would rather not be
Jack Stay - don’t move Jack
Jib - a task or short project in South Africa
Keel - a position you find yourself just before you fall over
Kicker - something to take if the grog’s not working
Knot - a measurement of speed slightly more than something else
Lazy Jack - Jack, you’re bone idle
Leeward - where Lee comes from
Locker - somewhere to put things but never find them again
Mainsail - most expensive sail
Mast - erect member near cockpit
Motor - sensible means of propulsion (unless your name’s Greta)
Port - opposite side to starboard
Preventer - condom
Reef - item to smoke that makes things smaller
Rudder - the complexion of someone the morning after a night on the grog
Sail - an environmentally sound means of propulsion that is inherently unreliable except in its predictable failure and consequential expense
Shackle - dirty laugh
Sheet - use your imagination
Shroud - religious piece of wire
Skipper - egotistical manic who thinks he’s in charge
Spinnaker - unfathomable piece of kit that when used will inevitably end in disaster
Spray Hood - device to avoid head seat getting wet
Spreader - someone laying on the deck
Starboard - opposite side to port
Stay - something that goes somewhere else
Stern - a look you give someone who is trying to get past you under motor
Tack - indiscriminate turn when you don’t know where you’re going
Traveller - indiscriminately move from side to side
Uphaul - vomit
Vang - Romanian pointy tooth
Wheel - something for the Autopilot to play with
Winch - a cry of pain when you hurt yourself again
Winch Handle - something to blame for the winch that normally has no direct relationship to the incident
Wind - botty burp
Windward - from whence the wind comes (danger zone)
Yacht - efficient means of disposing of high amounts of income
So, that’s what you do when you really have nothing else to do!
The remainder of the day was taken up with sailing (oh, yes!). And supper – tuna bake – no lack of effort here. And night watch, which was uneventful. However, we were beginning to get concerned about Norris, who was showing less and less inclination to take flight and seemed to be resting a bit too much.
Clive the cabin boy standing by…