"Booby Victory" Claim - Sesational Result in Beer Trial - Russian Twist in Red Lion Mystery - "Less than 1000 to go" says Cleone
Unsubstantiated claims indicate that Bernard has finally conceeded defeat in the Booby War. Bernard the Booby has not been seen on Cleone's foredeck for over 24 hours. Our correspondant has seen at first hand the new secret weapon claimed as "instrumental" in driving Bernard away - it looks much like a long-handled brush mounted on Cleone's Pulpit, but no photos have yet been released. Elizabeth's claim that it was her "hearts and minds" campaign that pursuaded Bernard that his rightful place was at home (Galapagos?), rather than fouling the foredeck of an innocent yacht, has yet to receive endorsement either from the Operational Commander or in Whitehall (sorry, I mean Gilbert's Mead - old habits die hard). The MoD (sorry, I mean Rosie) refused to comment.
Chris "Norfy" North was unexpectedly acquitted of all charges he faced in respect of the "missing" beer. Scientific evidence showed that beer was capable of "migrating" from beer can to the atmosphere without the intervention of human hand. The Skipper (as Judge) ruled that "there was no case to answer" after the Prosecution's threadbare case was outlined to him in closed session (for security reasons, much of this case has been held in camera). The Judge added that he would "give his detailed reasons in a written judgment in due course". But it is unlikely that details of this very sensitive case will ever be released.
As satellite-based images confirmed reports that Red Lion Regular Chris Norfy North was indeed on a small yacht in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, a new twist in this extraordinary saga emerged. A mystery person, by the name of "Boris", has been in touch with our Grendon Correspondant, claiming "I own that Norfy. He'd better keep himself fit - remember he owes me, and I mean to claim my dues". When pressed for further details, "Boris" would say no more, but whilst the Sunday Sesh eschews cheque-book journalism, it is hoped that more will be forthcoming fom this particular source shortly. Clearly wherever presently located "Boris" originates from the FSU, and no doubt has mafia connections. We will continue to bring you deatils of this extrodinary saga as they emerge.
Finally, we are happy to report that the magic "1000 miles to go" threshold was passed last night, with Norfy at the helm. We can now count down the miles to go from on-deck (the GPS repeater goes no higher than 999), which gives the helmsman something to occupy himself with apart from the wind, sails, clouds (for squalls), and looking out for other shipping, in particular yachts! We made another 160 miles yesterday (just) and the weather forecast sounds good for today. Things are looking good. But the Skipper is duty cook.
All well and happy, partiucularly now Bernard has gone!
Best wishes,
James, Chris & Elizabeth
Yacht Cleone
At sea
08.37S 123.15W